4-26-10

Waking up to the harsh reality of life is never a pleasurable experience.

I'm only nineteen but I feel like I have learned and experienced so much more than most people my age. I'm disappointed in the way people treat me for being so young. I admire other peoples experiences and respect their perspective but I still have a right to my own opinion. I have this manager at work that always talks down to me. I'm not sure if she thinks I have a mental handicap or if she thinks I don't speak English. She does what I call "smothering the puppy" just like a child who loves the puppy so much they pick it up by the neck and carry it around or squeeze it till it passes out on accident. My manager breaks down every detail no matter how minor. She could turn "take out the trash" into "go to the bathroom, go inside, take out the trash bags, put them outside, go back inside, change the bags and then come back here. OK? The bags are over here in the closet, here let me show you." I swear some days I just want to slap her in the face and yell "I GOT IT!"
Today was poker night, we had a good crowd but yet again my manager was blowing my high...On poker night most people go to the bar to get drinks during the game, I very rarely have tables on poker night. So I joined one of my coworkers in the kitchen to send an email out before the dinner rush. ONE table walks in and here my manager goes (she has anger issues too) "ARIUS! GET THE FUCK OFF THE COMPUTER! WTF ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE! IM NOT HERE TO SEAT YOUR FUCKING TABLES, GET IT TOGETHER, SHIT YOU NEED TO BE WATCHING THE FUCKING DOOR INSTEAD OF PLAYING AROUND BACK HERE!" Most of you reading this know me well enough to know I REALLY wanted to yell at her but Im on stike 2 and I do NOT need to get fired! So I bit my tongue like a good girl and did my job. I understand why she was upset but the way she came at me was really unneccessary. I can understand her rage though, she's going to jail for 10 days this month and I KNOW thats going to BUHHH-LOOWWWW!! Its karma though, all that negative energy she's been putting out there came back to her in the form of 3 DUI's and 1 count of driving under the influence on a suspended liscense...I'll pray for her. On a lighter note, I really feel some love in the air. I dont think I have ever been in a relationship with someone who makes me so happy. I know he's busy all the time and we don't always get to spend as much time as we want to together...but when Im with him my whole world is at peace. Its like every problem, stress, pain, whatever it may be, just melts away. Never lose your love people. If there is anything I have learned in my ninteen short years it is that love is the answer to every problem. If you live your life with love and understanding you attract nothing but good karma. I spoke to a very wise couple the other night at work, they were in town for a convention. They came from the UK. I served them in the middle of a pretty big rush and they kept praising me on my work. They stayed around after the rush to talk to me, which was extremely flattering. Apparently they had been discussing me the whole dinner (and not in a "we-should-take-her-home" kind of way!) they asked me a lot of questions about what I do and where I want to be and what I've done and they told me some of the best advice I've heard in quite some time. They told me that I was living my life in a very ideal way, by following my heart and gut instincts. The woman looked me right in the eyes and said "Follow your instincts on EVERYTHING most of the time when your heart tells you something is wrong it is WRONG and when your heart tells you something is right it is RIGHT and if it isn't you are meant to learn from it, so follow your instincts at all costs." I really admired the way her and her husband lived their lives. They seemed to have no limits. They both work for the same company, they travel all over the world together doing semenars and seeing the sights, they look genuinely happy. When they looked eachother in the eyes you could SEE the love. It really touched my heart to see that kind of connection. I hope I have that someday. They were so fun, they made me pick out the pizza for them, they ordered crazy drinks, they danced and joked...Like I said, I really admired their happiness. Completely random BUT, I have the worlds GREATEST mom. Just in case you guys didnt know :)


Im off to dream something beautiful


Peace&&Drugs

burn after reading...

...
I cradle your soul,
I can hear your heartbeat from heaven




...
You whisper words of wisdom and peace.
I send you my love while spreading yours.
I breathe your miracles.
Because of you,
I am.

Easter Thoughts...

First of all thank God for such a beautiful Easter Sunday. I couldn't have asked for better weather. I was thinking about Easter and the concept of resurrection and I started to think about life... What happens when we die? Why is there so much infinite space out there that we cant reach? What if when we pass on were resurrected in another galaxy or something! We only have 5 senses. What if there's a whole other parallel universe; people and animals coexisting flawlessly with us at this very moment? And we live everyday completely blind to it...we wont know until God decides we're ready in my opinion. I always wonder why we dream, I think a lot of dreams are flashbacks of past lives, what if another part of our soul is living on in that parallel universe and we don't find out who exactly we REALLY are until we go through several lives and tests and lessons. Maybe that's what heaven is, knowing EXACTLY who you are, loving everything about yourself, being as holy as God intended you to be. I live every day with as much love and understanding as I can because I know that when I die I will continue on in spirit and that God is watching over me. I hope I get everything out of my life that God wanted me to. I really love the direction that my life is going right now, I think its good karma for the way Ive been behaving lately...I'm far from perfect but I'm working on it, every day I feel as though I improve myself a little. I take every failure as a lesson learned and move on with a positive attitude. I try to treat everyone as I would want to be treated. I feel like life is my oyster these days..I'm so thankful for all of my blessings and all of the wonderful people in my life. My friends know I love them and my family couldn't be prouder...*sigh*what a beautiful day, I hope you all had a great Easter, I know I did! Don't let anyone steal your sunshine, stay free.



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